Thursday, July 9, 2009

Honesty hit

First it was my blogging mojo went missing, then my art has hit a block and I'm only able to do crafty activities that follow a pattern and require no imagination on my part. I am, however, still capable of choosing to create something that will soothe my soul through its elegant and unusual design knitted in my favourite colour. That's why I'm working on a beautiful frilly scarf in multi-hued purple. My gran used to knit my sister and I cardigans in this kind of wool, it gives me comfort to use a similar yarn now.

Why the 'honesty hit'? I'm confessing to suffering from anxiety and stress for the past few weeks. Lack of sleep, lack of imagination, lack of creativity, heaps of self-pity! I looked at one of my favourite blogs yesterday, and made myself depressed when I saw she gets 30+ comments when writing about buying sweets and most days I get zero. My mind immediately launched into 'what am I doing wrong' mode and 'is there any point to it?' type questions. I know there is, because at least whilst I'm still writing, I'm still writing about creating and even if no-one else in the whole world reads it, I'm still forming an intention and focussing on my creativity. But it is so hard at the moment! I've been off my 'happy pills' for two months now, and am beginning to wonder if it wasn't a tad optimistic. Now looking at natural alternatives as I'm fed up of filling myself up with drugs that make my head feel like Winnie-the-Pooh's fluffy brain has taken up residence. (Sorry, Pooh, you know I love you). So there it is, how I'm honestly feeling. I need to get the feelings out, which is why I write it in a journal, but I also share it in the hope that anyone else who does suffer from depression themselves and reads this will know they are not alone. And to give us all the advice - "don't let it steal your joy". OK - I'll keep those words in mind and go and do some more purple knitting before bed.


Sally said...

I've been enjoying reading your blog for about a month or so.
I am new to craft, creativity & blogging - I find you an inspiration.
Hope your creative mojo surges again sometime soon.

Lesley said...

But, you've always had a fluffy Winnie the Pooh brain........all the best people do!!

Lesley said...

But you've always had a fluffy, Winnie the Pooh brain........all the best people do big sis xx

Lucy@attic24 said...

Sending love and hugs to you.
I recognised the reference to the sweet-buying post :o)....but look back at my posts from the earlier months and you will see just dribbles of takes time and work to build a blog and readership, I've made more than 300 posts in the Attic now over the past 16months and it was grown slowly.

The bottom line is you should always always first and foremost blog for YOU. Comments and readers are an added bonus.

This probably doesn't ehlp any, but I was so touched by your comment on my blog this morning i felt I had to write and send some love nad hugs your way.

Leah Hotpants said... make me laugh (even though I know this is quite serious) are doing really wonderful things hun - humble beginnings to, now, your own space - stop beating yourself up and enjoy the truly amazing things that you do....who cares if no one ever responds to your blogs - it isn't about that is it?? When are you going to make me coffee?????