Many apologies for not writing for some time, but I have not been at my best for the past week or so. It was only when a very intuitive friend said to me on Thursday that I looked as if I had a cloud over my head that I became aware of how bad I felt. You see, when I'm asked to describe how depression feels, I reply that it starts with a feeling that I have a small black cloud that follows me everywhere, and no matter how fast I run, it always manages to keep up with me. My friend had tapped into that, and all the little insiduous feelings I'd been having for a couple of weeks came together in one moment and I sat down and cried. But at least I knew what was going on as the awareness hit me, and I could treat myself kindly with rest and not over-committing myself and I'm on the road to recovery.
Depression is a funny thing, even when you think you've got it beat, it likes to tap at the door and remind you it's there! Even for the briefest of moments. But the good thing is as I've 'struggled' with depression for years I finally learned not to fight or resist it anymore, but just to accept that it is a part of who I am and it seems easier to cope with. I still have my blue moments, but I am learning to recognize them and put into play strategies that help me be present with the worst moments but not swamped by them.
It's a life-long learning curve, but the great part of my learning is that I've come to accept and love all parts of me, the good and the not so nice. It's a good lesson to learn.
Feeling better, and promising to blog more regularly xx