I miss his hugs ...

Dad and baby Larissa

Today is the first day I've written my blog in a long time, getting here has been difficult.  I still don't know if i can finish writing this post, but we will see.

The reason I haven't been able to write here is because my biggest blog fan, who checked up on me when I didn't check in here, my dearest Dad, died at the end of May and I couldn't see myself writing here if dad couldn't read it.

So today is a huge day - for me writing again, and because today is Dad's birthday.

Happy Birthday Dad.  Love you. xxxxx

It's also where I'm going to announce how I'm going to honour him every year on his birthday by giving a donation to a charity of $50.  This year I'll be giving the money to Oxfam Trailwalker, to our team the 'Hill Bunnies'. I'm sure Dad would have a cheeky joke about our name and I know he was proud of me becoming an 'adult onset athlete' and challenging myself each year with a walk, run or mini triathlon.

I tortured myself this week by buying a tiny wee gift-book called 'Dad'; but it has some beautiful quotes in it that make me cry and help me process.  Such as this one,

"... my father would pick me up and hold me high in the air.  He dominated my life as long as he lived, and was the love of my life."   - Eleanor Roosevelt

and this one, which I chose for my sister too,

"A father's love for his daughter is as soft as a snowflake yet as strong as steel."  Stuart and Linda MacFarlane

I can't believe I've actually finished this.  It was going to be bigger somehow, eloquently written, with loads of pictures, but this is all I can manage for now.  Life goes on, and I'm going to be kind to myself and take it one day (one step) at a time.

Wishing comfort to those who have experienced loss too, L xx